One important point that the authors make is that even if we ourselves are not skilled at reading the cues that others are sending out, they may well be skilled at reading us. Therefore, in order not to send the wrong impressions, we have to be aware of the messages that we are sending out in terms of posture, personal hygiene, attire, vocabulary choice, and confidence each time we look someone in the eye, shake a hand, or launch into a presentation.
Another important point made by the authors is that what constitutes appropriate messages to send to another person depends on a number of factors, and each one of these must be attended to. These factors include how well one knows the other person, the gender of the other person, any difference in rank between oneself and the other person, and cultural assumptions that may differ between oneself and another person.
We can get so caught up in the words that we are using that we forget about the importance of factors such as where one is meeting that affect the ways in which you can read body language, whether you're meeting indoors or outdoors, in an office or a more public place like a restaurant, or in a place like a factory setting. Taking into account all of these factors will allow anyone to make the other person(s) feel comfortable while at the same time making it clear that you yourself are confident and in charge of the situation.
So how can you learn to be an expert at reading all of the aspects of communication that accompany words themselves? Like every other skill, it takes practice. Part of the problem in learning how to read body language is that when we are watching someone else there is so much...
One possible way of learning how to read the many different messages and cues that someone is sending out is to think about reading body language like watching a very old movie in which there are very few images per minute,
Such a strategy -- as suggested in this last image -- can help you stop and figure out what is happening in each picture before moving on to the next set of messages. Of course -- unfortunately for the student of body language -- people in real life do not act this way. Luckily there are other ways to learn how to read body language by using technology as a substitute. You could try watching movies or television shows and stop the recording at any time to pause and try to figure out what exactly is actually being said.
You could also make a video of oneself and examine it as closely as possible to figure out what messages you might be sending out in an unconscious way. At first this will probably make you feel very uncomfortable -- most people feel extremely awkward when they first begin to watch themselves on tape -- but very quickly it should become clear that this is one of the best strategies possible for learning how to send as well as read messages outside of the words themselves. Except for reading this book, of course.
(http://trampolinebranding.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/large_handshake-300x225.jpg)
(http://allykup123.files.wordpress.com/2010/01/body.gif)
(http://www.ireadbodylanguage.com/images/d%20conflict%20(600%20x%20330).jpg)
(http://www.egodevelopment.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Body-Language-hands.jpg)
